Some things about me

Just a random post about random things that rub me up the wrong way, or enliven my spirit with joyfulness. Or anything in between.

1. I hate talking on the phone. I find it boring and I’d rather be doing something else. If you phone me, you must consider yourself very lucky if I answer. Rather illustrative of this is the time when Ronald rang me during a class. So unusual is such an occurrence I thought I’d better listen to the voicemail he left. “I’ve been in a car accident, but I’m ok.” Och, I’ll see him in a few hours, no point in phoning.” Lol?

2. I detest Jeremy Clarkson. I hate his voice, his hair, his crappy, staged programme about cars that no one normal can afford, his stonewash Jeans and cord jacket combo, his reactive, inflammatory comments on current events… Just everything. The sight of him on my telly makes me want to tear my eyeballs from my head and stick them in my ears.

3. I love animals. All animals. I even rescue wayward worms and snails. I never kill any animals, ever. I ran over a rabbit once and I welled up every time I thought about it for Weeks.

4. I think watching sport is boring. Honestly, it’s totally lost on me. I come from a pretty sporty family and I’m the only one that would rather watch grass grow than have to sit through a rugby match. 

5. I think toilet humour is really funny. The word “jobby” is hilarious. It always raises a smile.

6. I’m a secret slob. I can visit the gym twice in a period of 48 hours and not shower in between. I would rather do a quick face, pits and bits and do a full makeup than bother with a bath. Seriously. I’m a bit like stradlater from catcher.

7. I’m a teacher, and although it’s got it’s downsides, I recognise the major perks- holidays, during holidays there is not work building up, emails waiting etc.

8. I really want to be an outside person. But my desire to be warm and dry vastly outweighs my desire to hear a lesser spotted birdywirdy’s mating call at sunrise. Sorry.

9. I only like to watch films I’ve seem already. Which is somewhat limiting, I’ll admit.

10. I love cleaning toilets. And bathrooms in general. Am I alone here?

11. I don’t like travelling. Not any part of it- the packing, the airport, the flying, the unknown… And as for actual ‘travelling’- “yah, I’m touring round south America for a year.” Fear! I’ll just stay here, thanks, with my metaphorical blanket of familiarity.

12. I can’t understand how some of the funniest and cleverest people I know are women, and yet most female comics are shite. Is this because clever and funny women don’t seek the limelight? Or because they’re doing better things? Or because in this world, the unfortunate truth is that the cream does not float to the top as it should…?

13. I buy stupid amounts of lotions and potions in the hope that one day I’ll wake up looking like a seventeen year old Russian supermodel. I know this is ridiculous. I can’t help it.

14. I eat really healthily until about 5 when I’m so ravenous I eat about 800 calories in ten minutes. I wish I knew how to change this.

15. I spend about hmmm, 50%, of my time wishing I was different. But I think that might be quite normal.

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