Boob money is legal tender y’all

Those of you that have boobs and wear a bra, listen up and listen good.

If you are not using the inside of your bra as a supplementary pocket, you are missing a trick.

The first time I ever did this, phoebe was a few weeks old. I was at a cash point, wrangling an infant whilst trying to withdraw cash. I had no pockets and my handbag was inaccessible due to shitness of design. Or possible overfill by me.* Anyway, I stuffed my card and cash into the left hand cup of my bra and voilla! Extra storage was born.

Now I keep allsorts in there. Not the liquorice variety (although…) It’s mainly keys, cash, cards and bits of paper. Although my front airbags have deflated somewhat since small child appeared, there isn’t enough room for the weekly shop.

I don’t deny that this crafty idea is without it’s drawbacks. At work, I asked a kid to go and get something out of my room. “won’t it be locked, Mrs Parker?” he chirruped. Why yes, meladdo, you are quite correct. Unfortunately for me, my room key was snuggled up against my left breast. After a sneaky removal, I handed it over triumphantly.

“It’s all hot!” exclaimed Jimmy.
“Er, yes… It was in my… pocket?” I replied uncertainly.

Anyway, I saw a picture on social media of a sign put up in a shop, stating that staff reserved the right to refuse sock and boob money, given the recent increase in temperature, often referred to as ‘summer’. Trust me, shop-sign-boob-sweat-haters, the cash you’re handling has seen worse than my left breast. And by that I mean the inside of a drug dealer’s rectum…. Probably.

*most likely.


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