Total pants.

I recently cleared out my underwear drawer. It was overflowing. Totally stuffed full. I know there are women out there that have, let’s say, seven ish matching sets of expensive, beautiful lingerie, that they lovingly hand wash in a specially selected, extra gentle crushed pearl and lily detergent.

I am not one of those women. In my travels through my drawers I saw things I don’t think people with eyes should see. Readers of a nervous disposition would be better looking away. Now.


Dear, oh dear. I’m not making a parachute (and if I was it certainly wouldn’t be pink leopard print. Or would it be?) These stretchy size 20 (not the largest pants I own-see below) bad boys saw me through a few post natal Weeks. And for that, I’m truly thankful. But now, they need to get out of my sight.


I’m not sure if this is socially acceptable, but I borrowed these pants from friends. I’m unsure of the circumstances. But then, I just never gave them back. That is not socially acceptable. Ever. Sorry, Shelley and Laura. I put them in the bin.


I photographed these novelty pants in the only way they should be-upside down. Would it make you worry for my marriage less if I told you that my husband bought both pairs for me as gifts?


These will never keep anyone warm. Also, if I wanted my buttocks on display when I took my trousers off, I just wouldn’t wear pants. Sheer pants are offensive. Again, if I wanted people to see what was under my pants when I took my breeks off, I WOULDN’T WEAR ANY. No one wears a thong anymore unless it’s for practical reasons. It’s not 1999.


Ah, pants with a story. I had to put a pair of my usual (not tiny may I add) pants in order to give scale. My mother in law gave me these size 24 pants as a joke on my hen weekend in 2008. I’ve kept them. I’m not ruling out ever being a size 24.


Do you remember when boy pants were all the rage? For god’s sake. I fear for the future of humanity at times.


The only nice underwear in my selection. I’ve only worn it once, and I will never wear it again. πŸ™‚




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